Contemporary Resort Lobby

 Some lovely updates to the Contemporary Resort

Lazy Rivers of Summer - Cross Country Creek - Blizzard Beach - Walt Disney World

Cross Country Creek
Blizzard Beach - Walt Disney World

Lazy Rivers of Summer - Castaway Creek

Castaway Creek
Typhoon Lagoon - Walt Disney World

Horse Hockey - Bull Follows Fiction

I'll start here by saying that I deplore how some lazy debunkers find a single obscure example of a phenomena in fiction that predates an allegation as evidence of direct influence.  Of course, just because something happened in fiction first doesn't mean it can't happen in real life, but of more relevance here is the fact that reality and fiction are messier than that.

The transmission of cultural ideas does not consist of single "aha" moments.  It's nearly impossible to point to a single work and say it was the first of anything.  Everything steals from something else, and then gets bitten off some more.

Having said that, the Greys didn't become the stock alien until after Close Encounters of the Third Kind.  UFOs didn't have a standard saucer template until Kenneth Arnold - ironic here, as he described the ship's movements as saucer-like, not their shape.

Conspiracy theorists and pseudoscientists can be an unimaginative bunch, and I swear that got exponentially worse with the internet.  That's one of the reasons I originally lost interest in the field - instead of inventing their own delusions the lunatics were just pointing at random sci-fi shows and saying it was a documentary.

I can't even bother to roll my eyes when I would read that the military has a Stargate like the Stargate in the movie Stargate.  Now you can go and research how the term Stargate was used in fiction prior to the movie, you can find the first usage of the term, you can trace the history of time travel and wormholes in science fiction, but you really don't need to.  Someone just saw the movie Stargate.  Or maybe the TV show - still can't get over how that was a thing.

Such blatant plagiarism is inevitably accompanied by grandiose justifications and further conspiracy theories:

• The government doesn't want you to know the truth about wizards, so it presents Hogwarts as a fiction so that truth-tellers like me will be ridiculed.
• The government is slowly introducing us to the idea of the Galactic Empire so that we won't panic when the Death Star comes into orbit.
• Disney wanted to warn us about menace of talking, pantsless, ill-tempered mallards but had to disguise his warnings as fiction.

These are all bullpoop, but what's worse, it's bullpoop to cover for lazy intellectual thievery.  While I feel it's gotten worse in the last couple of decades, this phenomena goes back to the very origins of modern horse hockey - Helena Blavatsky.

I had assumed the influence was the other direction, but Blavatsky's work came after that of Edward Bulwer-Lytton's The Coming Race.  I'm not expert enough (nor do I care to wade through Blavatsky's bibliography) to say how much of an influence Bulwer-Lytton was on her, but I wouldn't say she lifted her entire cosmology from him.  However, there is the whole "ascended race with special powers living in the hollow earth" thing going on in both.

I'll deal with Blavatsky and the Coming Race in more depth later, but for now, "I'll just leave this here" as the kids like to say.

"Sir E. Bulwer-Lytton, in his Coming Race, describes it as the VRIL, used by the subterranean populations, and allowed his readers to take it for a fiction."

"Absurd and unscientific as may appear our comparison of a fictitious vril invented by the great novelist, and the primal force of the equally great experimentalist, with the kabalistic astral light, it is nevertheless the true definition of this force. Discoveries are constantly being made to corroborate the statement thus boldly put forth."

"The name vril may be a fiction; the Force itself is a fact doubted as little in India as the existence itself of their Rishis, since it is mentioned in all the secret works."

I'll conclude with this - Disney's Michael Eisner revealing the truth about the government withholding facts about alien contact.  A complex double-bluff?  Or just hitting up the X-Files demographic to promote a new attraction?

Tokyo Disneyland Halloween

Three Caballeros cosplay @ 2:16



You suck, America.

Soundstage Lounge

"We can lick them all with Quality" - Walt Disney

Disney's Most Dated - Enchanted Tiki Room Under New Management

You knew this was coming.

In one of Todd McFarlane's insufferable brags, he talked about how dated Spider-Man and Peter Parker were, and how he brought the comic up to date by giving Mary Jane giant hair that filled up every panel.

As someone who's sat down and read every Spider-Man comic from start to around 2011 I can say, with the exception of a couple of disco scenes in the 70s, the only comics that look embarrassingly dated are his.  Of course, this was a man that said that it was the nature of collectibles to go down in value from the moment their purchased.

The only way to cause something to be dated more than purposely trying to be hip and modern is to constantly remind the audience that's what you're doing.

So, yeah, this thing -


I won't pick on this too much except to point out that their song choices to update the show were all Cuban inspired pop songs from the mid to late 80s.  Because all the cool kids were into Buster Poindexter and Gloria Estefan in 1998.  Hell, Martin Denny was cooler in 1998 than Miami Sound Machine.

This show was so horrible that God herself struck it down with fire, and the original version has returned (kinda).

Disney's Most Dated - Cranium Command

I like Cranium Command.  I have a blurry recollection of a visit to Epcot in 1991 and this is about the only thing I remember.  It opened in 1989, and it couldn't be more 1989 if it had MC Skat Kat and Andrew Dice Clay.

We've got: George Wendt, Jon Lovitz, Charles Grodin, Bobcat Goldthwait, Kevin Meaney, and a picture of Ernest.


I watched this again recently and it holds up fairly well, with one notable exception:  Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon as the timeless duo "Hans and Franz".  For those that don't keep track of insipid SNL characters from the 80's, their hilarious schtick involves two guys with German accents who clap in the middle of a sentence.

I'm not sure if they're dated so much as never funny to begin with, but seeing as Wayne's World is making a comeback with the kids, we'll get them and the Church Lady and everything else I never wanted to see again.

And, yes, they totally recycled this into Inside Out.

Disney's Most Dated - Main Street Electrical Parade

This is an example of when an event heavily promotes the latest Disney product which doesn't become the timeless classic that everyone thinks it will.  This is probably why the Florida Fantasmic is Pocahontas heavy.  But at least people know who Pocahontas is.

Meet Pete and Elliott -


Pete is the one on top, waving around and shrugging his shoulders as if to say: "Who am I?  Heck, I don't even know?"

A remake to Pete's Dragon is coming out next year, so maybe this will become more relevant.

Disney's Most Dated - Electric Water Pageant

Not the most spectacular show, but I like it, and it's been around for over 40 years.  It currently has a mostly Little Mermaid theme to it, which is a property that has aged well.

This isn't making the list for the inclusion of 1988's "Walk the Dinosaur" by Was (Not Was).  No, it's for having an aggressive display of patriotism that isn't just a cover for unabashed bigotry.

The patriotic elements were added in 1977, just after the Bicentennial.  Back when waving a flag meant loving your county and not that you don't want gay Muslims to get health care.  I don't like getting political, but it is kind of a sad statement that the finale feels weird or even downright hostile today.

Disney's Most Dated - Ellen's Energy Adventure

Few creations are timeless enough to be enjoyed steadily through the decades.  Most go through phases of being cutting edge, new, around, tired, tacky,  embarrassing, ironic, kitsch, nostalgic, and if they're lucky, a standard.

Some attractions manage to skip a lot of the middle.  Take the Country Bears.  This was made in a direct response to a fad for hillbilly music in the 60s, but nobody knows that now.  People either like it or don't, but it doesn't feel dated.

Let's start with an attraction that has beaten the odds so far but is just barely hanging on: Ellen's Energy Adventure.



This has three major elements that had no right being popular past the 1990s - Ellen Degeneres, Bill Nye, and Jeopardy.  If anything, Ellen and Nye are even more respected now.

Defying all odds, this attraction has aged rather well.  We'll some that haven't in later installments.

Trip Report

Magic Kingdom

How is there not a "Vaping Dads of Disney" tumblr?

The new queue at Peter Pan was nice.  Interactive for all of four seconds, but nice.

Tom Sawyer Island: Animatronics!  The fortress in the back always seemed like it should have had something moving there, but all I can remember is the snoring prisoner.  Not much going on, but some minor shifting around in the blacksmith's room.

Epcot

Found kimchee in China, at the Lotus Blossom Cafe.  Ask for cabbage side dish and you can get for under $3.

They really need to do something with the Imagination Pavilion.  In the area near the gift shop, where you can pay to have your head photoshopped onto a picture like anyone can do on their phone for free, there looked to be an actual lab of some kind half hidden behind giant curtains.  More of a photo lab than a science lab, but it looked very out of place.

Animal Kingdom

They're really going through with this Avatar nonsense.  Huge show building being built in full view from the road.

Korean BBQ Chicken is a goddamn lie.  Barely qualifies as sweet and sour chicken.  They could have pulled a Wendys and poured bibigo sauce on chicken nuggets and done better.

Kilimanjaro Safari is 100% narrative free.  Mine didn't even have the rickety bridge, but we can delayed by pooping zebras.

Hollywood Studios

Let's look at all the attractions that have closed and remain unreplaced:

• Sounds Dangerous
• America Idol Experience
• The Legend of Captain Jack Sparrow
• Backlot Tour

Nothing I'd want back, but that's a lot of missing real estate.  There were long lines that day and it still felt like a half-day park.

Great Movie Ride: I got the cowboy!  Never even seen that act before, and the fireball took me by surprise.  Robert Osborne now narrates the ride and the poor CM has like three lines left.  They either need to go full Jungle Cruise and mix it up a little, or Living with the Land and get rid of live operator altogether.  I was up front, and there was a manager taking notes as the CM screwed up his lines.  I'm guessing early June sees some new employees.  New video sequence at the end, minus Shanghai Knights.  The alien from Alien was working for the first time in forever.

Overall

I don't know if the new fast pass magic plus fantasy advance my magical experience whatever has actually increased wait times, but it feels like it.  Towards the end of some queues the standby line felt like a single rider line, where they let you in only after all the FP folks are gone.  Given that figuring out their horrible app or website is ten times more of a pain than going to a kiosk, I'm surprised that more people seem to be using it.

Overqueue - The Magic of Disney Animation

The Overambitious Overflow Queues of Walt Disney World - The Magic of Disney Animation



This is an odd area.  The video above only shows a portion of the queue, and the only thing the line is for is the preshow "Drawn to Animation" with Mushu, which can (and usually is) bypassed to go straight into the building proper.  This is also the site of the only time I've snapped at a Disney employee - for interrupting me to let me know it's an Eddie Murphy soundalike, not the real Eddie Murphy. 

But the history of this queue area is also the history of Disney Hollywood Studios.

When the park opened in 1989 as Disney-MGM Studios, it consisted of a two-hour long Backstage Studio Tour and the Great Movie Ride.  Period.

The Backstage Studio Tour began with a tram ride, and the queue for the trams still exists today as the queue area for the Magic of Disney Animation.  By 1991 the tour was split into two attractions, the tram ride and the walking tour.  In 1996 the entrance of the tram tour, renamed the Studio Backlot Tour, was moved to its final location, where it died a slow death a piece at a time, closing without fanfare in 2014.

The area continued to be used for the Magic of Disney Animation Tour, which began with a preshow "Return to Neverland" with Walter Cronkite and Robin Williams and continued as a walking tour of a (sometimes) operating animation studio.  The studio parts left, and gradually the tour became an exhibit, with a drawing class and interactive computer terminals.  The expansive queue area outside was used for meet & greets, and as of this writing the entire inside area is one animation class and a series of meet & greets.

The queue area currently is mostly roped off, which is a shame as it has some interesting features, such as framed prints, remnants of an Atlantis meet & greet, and animator's hands in cement.

And that's it for overflow queues.  Were there any I missed?

Overque - Stitch's Great Escape

The Overambitious Overflow Queues of Walt Disney World - Stitch's Great Escape

First, let's orient ourselves.  We're walking back towards the Hub from Tomorrowland.  Monsters Inc Laugh Floor is on the left.



Stitch's Great Escape is to the right.  Keep walking, and past the entrance to Stitch are the Fast Pass machines [snicker].  Keep walking a little bit more, just before the stupid Fred Flintstone rocks, behind and to the left of the Fast Pass area, there is a small area with a roped loop.  Usually, this area is roped off, and it's hard to see any of it.  The rocks block off the view from the bridge, a wall blocks it off from Cosmic Rays.  You can see a little bit of it from the Peoplemover as it passes above it and when it emerges after making the final loop after the Laugh Floor.

Before Stitch, this area was originally Mission to Mars.  It had two theaters, each with separate exits.  This was originally one of those exits.  I've seen employees wheel carts out of that area, so there may be some storage back there as well.

Overque - Dinosaur

The Overambitious Overflow Queues of Walt Disney World  - Dinosaur

As you walk up towards the show building, there are some loopy paths to the right with some dinosaur statues.  Couldn't find any video, so I'll pass you on to Parkeology, where I got this from.

Overqueue - Journey into Imagination With Figment

The Overambitious Overflow Queues of Walt Disney World - Journey into Imagination With Figment

About the saddest thing I've ever seen was a cast member standing outside Journey into Imagination telling guests that it was temporarily closed, especially since the only people there were trying to find the restroom after Captain Eo.

Not much of an overflow queue, but to the left just as you enter, there is another room with a roped queue circling a display of  the video camera helmet from Honey, I Shrunk the Audience.



I just found out that the rounded area at the front of the queue is the original giant turntable from the first, superior incarnation of the ride.  I like this queue a lot, but maybe that's just in contrast to the ride itself.

Overqueue - Muppet Vision 3D

The Overambitious Overflow Queues of Walt Disney World - Muppet Vision 3D

This new series is going to take a look at parts of Disney World that (for the most part) aren't off limits, but are rarely seen.  First, here's what we're not talking about.

Many popular rides get lines longer than their queues during busy times.  For most of these rides, the solution is to put up temporary rope switchbacks outside.  Haunted Mansion, Space Mountain, and It's a Small World regularly do this.

We're also not talking about rides that just have a queue way too long.  The Seas With Nemo and Friends comes to mind.  Aside from New Year's Eve, this one has always been a walk-on for me, and making my way through the queue takes almost as long as the ride itself.  However, you get to see the entire queue.

The subjects of the series have themed overflow queues that are not part of the regular queue, and for the majority of these, the demand for such queues has been a titch overestimated.

The first one is an exception, as it is a part of a popular attraction and is actually used from time to time.  This is the overflow queue of Muppet Vision 3D in Hollywood Studios.  This is a simple switchback that snakes along the side of the building to the right of the entrance.

Queue Review Finale - Star Tours

One of my favorite lines, but maybe not the best subject for a finale as three are almost exactly the same.

Disneyland Paris



I believe they are getting a 2.0 upgrade soon, but here is the original version of Star Tours, pretty much the same as the interior of the previous version at Hollywood Studios.  The exterior has a giant X-Wing fighter.

Walt Disney World - Hollywood Studios



All the 2.0 queues are roughly the same.  The exterior is some Endor thing, but when you're in it, it's just rope and wood.

Disneyland



I can't tell what's outside the main entrance, as I know there has to be more line than this, but anything is better than Hollywood Studios.

Tokyo Disneyland


At first I didn't like the switchbacks, but at least they're indoors.  I think there might be a few more droids as well

Queue Review - Space Mountain

I love all of the Space Mountain queues.  It tends to be one of the longest lines, and they had to get creative on how to lay it out.

Hong Kong Disneyland



A cardboard box overlay at the entrance, way too many safety spiel screens, and a teeny tiny load area.  This is the last time I'll pick on poor Hong Kong.

Walt Disney World - Magic Kingdom



Both the entrance and exit run underground, underneath the Walt Disney World Railroad.  The TTA PeopleMover runs above the exit speedramp, and I believe the exit runs directly above the entrance.  I love this line for this reason alone.

There is a modest attempt to establish the ride as a space port at the beginning.  There are some video games that might ease the wait for thirty seconds, but unfortunately you end up dumped into a sea of switchbacks.  In the dark.  There are some OK visuals on the ceiling, but not enough for the hour wait from that point.  I haven't gone in a few years, but I imagine it's nothing but glowing smart phone screens.

Load area feels very efficient and is separate from the unload.  Has the best music of any version, or indeed almost any ride.

Disneyland Paris - Space Mountain Mission 2



I'll forgive the outdoor switchbacks as this really is a lovely area.  Tomorrowland needs more water features.  A nice dark windy hall, a not at all steampunk ride video, and then back outdoors to a 19th Century train station, which misses the whole point of being engulfed in dark cramped tunnels.  It all looks very nice, but that jarring theme change messes it up for me.  Also, aside from the banners, the train station is too generic roller coaster for me.

Tokyo Disneyland


Coca Cola!

They still have a speedramp as part of the entrance, which runs even when the line trails way outside the ride.  The theming doesn't get particularly spacey until right at the load area.

Disneyland



Perhaps more than any other land, Tomorrowland lends itself to being one discrete place, though the execution is usually lacking.  Space Mountain here does an excellent job of feeling like a part of a bigger whole, rather than just a distinct ride by itself.  Though the entrance area does feel a bit like a shopping mall.  There's a nice elevated outdoor area, the indoor area feels like a space station, and no switchbacks!

Queue Review - Pirates of the Caribbean

Disneyland


Chained outdoor switchbacks.  Go straight to hell.  Note that this isn't the overflow queue - the line is designed to be 90% outdoors.

The line leads into a house (groan), where it runs parallel to the boats themselves.  This would be incredibly awesome if not for the fact that the boats are floating through a freaking house with drywall ceilings.  There's a marginal attempt at theming as you get closer to the load area, which is the same as the unload.  I mentioned my attitude towards this kind of thing, and this is perhaps the worst offender.  While Magic Kingdom has the sense that you're getting your own boat, this one rubs in the fact that some other sweaty rear has been rubbing into your spot, as well as heightening the impatience of both parties as people are eager to get on or off.  I don't know how they keep kids from splashing water out on folks.

Walt Disney World - Magic Kingdom



Starts with a nice covered veranda, which is roped into lines during busy periods.  The line splits in two, each with it's own minor scenes within a Spanish fort.

The unloading area is on a completely differently level than the load, to the point that one has a hard time figuring out how they relate to each other.  As it should be.

Disneyland Paris



Just brilliant.  The American parks have modest exteriors, while Paris almost makes it it's own mini-land fitting the status of one of their best attractions.