Disney's Most Dated - Enchanted Tiki Room Under New Management

You knew this was coming.

In one of Todd McFarlane's insufferable brags, he talked about how dated Spider-Man and Peter Parker were, and how he brought the comic up to date by giving Mary Jane giant hair that filled up every panel.

As someone who's sat down and read every Spider-Man comic from start to around 2011 I can say, with the exception of a couple of disco scenes in the 70s, the only comics that look embarrassingly dated are his.  Of course, this was a man that said that it was the nature of collectibles to go down in value from the moment their purchased.

The only way to cause something to be dated more than purposely trying to be hip and modern is to constantly remind the audience that's what you're doing.

So, yeah, this thing -


I won't pick on this too much except to point out that their song choices to update the show were all Cuban inspired pop songs from the mid to late 80s.  Because all the cool kids were into Buster Poindexter and Gloria Estefan in 1998.  Hell, Martin Denny was cooler in 1998 than Miami Sound Machine.

This show was so horrible that God herself struck it down with fire, and the original version has returned (kinda).

Disney's Most Dated - Cranium Command

I like Cranium Command.  I have a blurry recollection of a visit to Epcot in 1991 and this is about the only thing I remember.  It opened in 1989, and it couldn't be more 1989 if it had MC Skat Kat and Andrew Dice Clay.

We've got: George Wendt, Jon Lovitz, Charles Grodin, Bobcat Goldthwait, Kevin Meaney, and a picture of Ernest.


I watched this again recently and it holds up fairly well, with one notable exception:  Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon as the timeless duo "Hans and Franz".  For those that don't keep track of insipid SNL characters from the 80's, their hilarious schtick involves two guys with German accents who clap in the middle of a sentence.

I'm not sure if they're dated so much as never funny to begin with, but seeing as Wayne's World is making a comeback with the kids, we'll get them and the Church Lady and everything else I never wanted to see again.

And, yes, they totally recycled this into Inside Out.

Disney's Most Dated - Main Street Electrical Parade

This is an example of when an event heavily promotes the latest Disney product which doesn't become the timeless classic that everyone thinks it will.  This is probably why the Florida Fantasmic is Pocahontas heavy.  But at least people know who Pocahontas is.

Meet Pete and Elliott -


Pete is the one on top, waving around and shrugging his shoulders as if to say: "Who am I?  Heck, I don't even know?"

A remake to Pete's Dragon is coming out next year, so maybe this will become more relevant.

Disney's Most Dated - Electric Water Pageant

Not the most spectacular show, but I like it, and it's been around for over 40 years.  It currently has a mostly Little Mermaid theme to it, which is a property that has aged well.

This isn't making the list for the inclusion of 1988's "Walk the Dinosaur" by Was (Not Was).  No, it's for having an aggressive display of patriotism that isn't just a cover for unabashed bigotry.

The patriotic elements were added in 1977, just after the Bicentennial.  Back when waving a flag meant loving your county and not that you don't want gay Muslims to get health care.  I don't like getting political, but it is kind of a sad statement that the finale feels weird or even downright hostile today.

Disney's Most Dated - Ellen's Energy Adventure

Few creations are timeless enough to be enjoyed steadily through the decades.  Most go through phases of being cutting edge, new, around, tired, tacky,  embarrassing, ironic, kitsch, nostalgic, and if they're lucky, a standard.

Some attractions manage to skip a lot of the middle.  Take the Country Bears.  This was made in a direct response to a fad for hillbilly music in the 60s, but nobody knows that now.  People either like it or don't, but it doesn't feel dated.

Let's start with an attraction that has beaten the odds so far but is just barely hanging on: Ellen's Energy Adventure.



This has three major elements that had no right being popular past the 1990s - Ellen Degeneres, Bill Nye, and Jeopardy.  If anything, Ellen and Nye are even more respected now.

Defying all odds, this attraction has aged rather well.  We'll some that haven't in later installments.